Saturday, December 6, 2008
Pappy Offers Second Life Technical Support
Iggy's Note: Play "Arkansas Traveller" in the background for the full effect...
Caller: This am Pappy's Corn-putin' support?
Pappy: Howdy, ol' son! Hoo am yu?
Caller: Why, Pap! Don't yu recollect yo' own cuzzin', Euripides Junior Hawgwallup?
Pappy: HOO-WEE! Junie! YU gots a corn-puter?
Caller: Yep. N' I wants tu jine up wif yu in Secund Life! They say them Lindens am losin' kustumers sum'fin feerce. I reckons we Enoch Holler folks kin slide on in...
Pappy: I dun got to this fake wirld early...but y'all kum on ovur!
Caller: I was a-fixin' tu du jist that, Pap! But my corn-puter am busted! Kin yu help mee?
Pappy: Sho kin! Let's commence wif the basicks...am yo' corn-puter runnin?
Caller: Runnin? Heck no! I bin hear awl day n' she ain't moved an inch!
Pappy: No, no, Junie! I means, am the corn-puter workin' propur-like?
Caller: Well, why the Sam Hill didn't yu say THAT? Nope, she ain't wurkin' no more'n yu used tu du.
Pappy: Now don't git persunul...go ahead an' pick up the mouse.
Caller: Heck no! Mah cat does that! What's that got tu du wif...
Pappy: Oh mah gawd...see that-thar plastick thang on a string whut looks like a plumb-bob? Move it around sum.
Caller: Dun did it. HOO WHEE. She's a smokin' wurse'n a hippie in Cuzzin Flem's patch o' Panama Red!
Pappy: Qwik! Shut Winders!
Caller: Huh? They ain't open! It's tu dang cold hear!
Pappy: Oh fo'git it! Pull the plug out'n the wall!
Caller: Plug? Lectric wun? Ain't got no plug....
Pappy: How yu runnin' it, then?
Caller: I dun telled yu alreddy it ain't runnin, boy!
Pappy: Dagnabbit! How DU YU MAKE IT WORK?
Caller: Ding-bust yu tu the hot place! If'n I knowed how tu make her wurk, why wood I be a-callin' YU? Yu sho' nuff ain't tu far frum a fool...
Pappy: Only gots a phone line beetwixt us! [disconnects caller]
Bee dawg if'n I are a-gonna stick wif this-hear job! I'm a gonna git me sum easy wurk, like rasslin' fake alligaturs!