Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Another Second Life Hillbilly Abducted by Aliens!
Location: Hellbilly Home Place
Iggy's note: I've asked our guests to wear a mic and a small camera when they enter the area. This dialogue and a few images were transmitted back to me, and I run it here in the interest of saving our world from a most nefarious plan...
Subcommander Zeno: Hmmmm...perhaps I'll find experimental subjects like these. I wonder where the other earth-creatures are hiding?
Subcommander Zeno: Oh my. That large specimen is promising…
Subcommander Zeno: Greetings, earth woman
TammiFay Digfoot: greetins there little fella. . .yu's a cute wun yu is
Subcommander Zeno: define "cute," female human
TammiFay Digfoot: um.....purty tu look at
Subcommander Zeno blushes
Subcommander Zeno (aside): heh heh. This impregnation may be rather simple...AHEM. Earth woman, you are needed for an....um....experiment
TammiFay Digfoot: expearment---what kind of expriment
Subcommander Zeno: now hold still. This won't hurt...
Subcommander Zeno: I hope
TammiFay Digfoot: OMG whut's that light
TammiFay Digfoot: i cain't see
TammiFay Digfoot: EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!
TammiFay Digfoot: yu ain't so cute after all little man
TammiFay Digfoot: what on earf is that-thar green stuff?
Subcommander Zeno: I hope you enjoy the space-time portal ray
Subcommander Zeno: it will take you to my homeworld
Location: The Fortress of the Shining Overlord, Planet Blorg
Subcommander Zeno: now you are in the nerve center of our Leader's fortress!
TammiFay Digfoot: we's at Obama’s house?
Subcommander Zeno: ummm....yes. Sort of like that. Now follow me…
Subcommander Zeno: my, but you humans are big-boned, to judge from you and the other...specimen
TammiFay Digfoot: Whut “udder spacyman”?
Subcommander Zeno: To put it plainly in your earth-tongue, Yu'll git a gander rite soon-like. To get to our laboratory, you will, as one might say using a rather crude earth metaphor, "ride the rocket ship"
TammiFay Digfoot: well that’s mighty fine
TammiFay Digfoot: i ain’t never rode a rocket - 'cept at the county fair in Enoch Holler
Subcommander Zeno: well, this is the "Deee-lux" edishum. It will transport us to the Impregnation Pylon.
TammiFay Digfoot: and it won’t a real rocket anyways..Impreg whut?
Subcommander Zeno: Oh, yu will luv that-thar mersheen. It duz funny stuff n' makes yu laff...like a wide-skreen tellyvishun. I are a-studyin' up on how y'all earth-critturs talks
TammiFay Digfoot: well i declare
Subcommander Zeno: learning your tongue will enable us to take ove...I mean befriend your race proper-like :) Now hop up an' we'uns will take us a ride.
TammiFay Digfoot: you is doin a mite respektable job sir, speakin' English good.
TammiFay Digfoot: can i fit up thar too?
Subcommander Zeno: yes I do declare yu kin
Subcommander Zeno: (blushing green) oh my
TammiFay Digfoot: this looks comfy
Subcommander Zeno sweats a bit
TammiFay Digfoot: haha
TammiFay Digfoot: i think you like it
Subcommander Zeno: don't injure me
Location: Pylon of the Impregnation Engine
Subcommander Zeno: Curses. The Modulator is still not back from the shop?
TammiFay Digfoot: Huh?
Subcommander Zeno: Oh, just a technical issue. I ran this dad-gum mersheen wif'out it on the furst hillbilly. (aside) Yet without it anything might happen. I need to run this experiment...the deadline for the world-conquest grant proposals is tomorrow!
TammiFay Digfoot: fidgety little fella yu is
Subcommander Zeno: observe. . .get a bit closer :)
TammiFay Digfoot: what are we lukin at? Look s like a big warshin’ macheen
Subcommander Zeno: Impregnerashum mersheen
TammiFay Digfoot: lord he’s drunk & speakin spanish...um...i seen em in town once
Subcommander Zeno: yu did? Well, not like this. Have a seat :)
Subcommander Zeno: straddle it like yu’s a-ridin a mule tu town…WHEE HOO
Subcommander Zeno turns on the Impregnation Engine
Subcommander Zeno: do you feel...odd?
TammiFay Digfoot: i feel a mite tingly inside
Subcommander Zeno: oh YES...it's working...as it did on the other one
Subcommander Zeno: say...on earth...
Subcommander Zeno: which gender produces the young?
TammiFay Digfoot: whut?
Subcommander Zeno: I forgot to ask the male
TammiFay Digfoot: you needs to speak english mistopher… i dont know no furen languages
Subcommander Zeno: du babies kum frum gals o' frum fellers?
TammiFay Digfoot: oh - from gals - why didn't you say so
Subcommander Zeno: uh oh
TammiFay Digfoot: i'm feeling hongry
Subcommander Zeno: oh...never mind
TammiFay Digfoot: you gots a sammitch in there?
Subcommander Zeno: Sammitch? No, but…I took this earth beverage from the other subject…he said it eases the process by which earth female can…um..complete our experiment.
Subcommander Zeno takes a pull on the jug
TammiFay Digfoot: mistopher i don't understand yo fancy langumage
Shine jug wif drunk (v.2) whispers: watch that third sip
Subcommander Zeno: Have sum Shine! Hic…
TammiFay Digfoot: oohhh....shine I understand that wun
Subcommander Zeno: it powered my...hic…spacecraft
Subcommander Zeno stumbles
Subcommander Zeno: sho....
Subcommander Zeno: lesh GO! Burp!
TammiFay Digfoot: aww little feller caint hold his likker
Subcommander Zeno: HOOO WHEE
TammiFay Digfoot: watch now little feller
TammiFay Digfoot: take it easy
TammiFay Digfoot: yo's a wobblin like a newborned calf
Subcommander Zeno: hic
TammiFay Digfoot takes the jug...whar am we goin' tu NOW?
Subcommander Zeno: we am a goin' tu...tu...a whachamacall it...
Subcommander Zeno: ZOO!
TammiFay Digfoot: Yee Haw! I luvs the zoo...can i git me sum peanuts & a co-cola?
Subcommander Zeno: Sho nuff kin! But....yu gits mor'n that…yu gits impregnated.
TammiFay Digfoot: What am "Impregnerated"?
Subcommander Zeno: well, this-hear mersheen gits you--burb--wif a chile, missy
TammiFay Digfoot: chile is too spicy fo me hon…makes me powerful gassy
Subcommander Zeno: no…I means yu now am expectin' a bun in the oven
TammiFay Digfoot: ooh a sticky bun – they am good too…I'll take wun of those
Subcommander Zeno: an rite soon yu gits tu meet your love-mate in our ALIEN ZOO
TammiFay Digfoot: Yu dun menshuned that-thar zoo alreddy. Whar’s mah peanuts & co-cola?
Subcommander Zeno: in our zoo...hic…there is an earthman yu knows…Pappy Enoch.
TammiFay Digfoot: Dang his hide. Well,it will be fun anysohow. I loves the zoo! They got ellyfants thar?
Subcommander Zeno: no—burp--ellyphunts
Subcommander Zeno: just Pappy
Subcommander Zeno: does he count?
TammiFay Digfoot: well close enuff. Let's go.
Subcommander Zeno (aside): Muahaha. Little does she know what lies ahead...
To be continued…