Thursday, January 15, 2009

Pappy's Desperate Plan: Second Life Pregnancy

Location: Undisclosed Virtual-Baby Superstore

Iggy's Note: At Babies R Us in real life, you buy things for a baby. In Second Life, however, you buy a baby, too.

Virtual pregnancy is enough a part of SL that a baby industry has emerged. The photos that Pappy Enoch sent back from this store tell the entire story.

Pappy, on the run from his evil sister, and inspired by a blog-post from our friends Tenchi and Cynthia, hatched (so to speak) a desperate plan: inflict a prim-baby on Jezz (and not, I'll add, in the usual Enoch Holler manner of running faster than she can). Details follow.

Store Announcer: Welcome to [name deleted] Baby Store
Pappy Enoch: cootchie coo, lil baby
Pappy: have sum Shine...makes yu grow up rite fast.
Li'l Susie: giggles when tickled!
Li'l Susie: thinks Pappy Enoch is funny.
Pappy: yep I is
Li'l Susie: 's eyes light up when Pappy Enoch smiles.
Pappy: awww this am cute
Li'l Susie: is loved by Pappy Enoch aww.
Pappy: yu am tu cute fo' Jezz
Pappy: she'd jist make yu grow up all mean
Li'l Susie: grips Pappy Enoch's finger tight.
Pappy: Susie, that am a cigar--don't touch
Pappy: She's tu dang cute. Let me try one o' these-here el-cheapo babies. Maybe a perambumerlator-thing tu roll it 'round in.
Bouncing Baby Buggy - Pushable: You aren't the owner or in the group. Go buy your own stroller.
Ema: I love daddy.
Pappy: I luvs yu tu, hunny bun. Hellfire n' hailstones! I luvs awl these fake babies. Dang, I jist cain't go thru wif this-hear plan!
Store Representative: May I help you, sir?
Pappy: Yep. I need tu git mah evil sistur intu a famberly way.
Rep: Um...okay. Full-term or instant baby?
Pappy: Full-term, I reckons. How long will that tie her down?
Rep: She can set the time of pregnancy.
Pappy: So no nine months?
Rep: Only if she wishes.
Pappy: So what if'n I give wun o' them econermy babies, alreddy born? Will she have tu take care o' it?
Rep: If she wishes. Some infants require that a parent feed and care for their child.
Pappy: Regular-like?
Rep: Yes. Those children cost more.
Pappy: How much?
Rep provides a figure
Pappy: HOO WHEE! I only got 23 Linden dollurs. Ya'll take barter here?
Rep: Barter? For what?
Pappy: Wun dawg (well fed), 1988 Ford F-150 (it du run, mostly), an' 100 jugs o' 190 proof White Lightnin' tu. What will that git mee?
Rep: The door. Let me show you the way out.
Pappy soon found himself back in front of his trailer.

Pappy: Dang it! Fake babies am mo' spensive n' a good shotgun. I reckon we am a gonna shoot it out!


Tenchi Morigi said...

As alway Pappis investigational journalism uncovered the whole sad truth.
They are making huge sums with babies but (which is human trafficing in a way ain´t it?) have no sense of humor.

how sad

Abfab said...

She should have taken the deal. RL people are trying to give away their babies, for alot less. LOL

Lee Carleton said...

Is Pappy speaking with an avatar or a store bot? I'm still astonished that AI can decode Pappy's flavorful dialect! And who would refuse a trade for some of his hellfire in a jug?

So, what happens if Jez abandons the baby? Is there some penalty, like the infant turning into a Banshee and shrieking circles around her head?

Anonymous said...

Haha, "full term or instant baby"?
Instant baby - just add hot water.

Anyway, being a sales rep in that "industry" (for lack of a better word) obviously doesn't mean you have to be nice. I'd boycott this store from now on - if I had ever intended buying a prim baby, of course.


Iggy O said...

Lee, you know from an e-mail the answer to the first Q: not a bot.

But to your second, I find that the entire idea of prim-babies troublesome. I think Cynthia said this at her and Tenchi's "Amazing Dicoveries" blog that inspired Pap--some SL moms abandon their babies when a relationship ends. They put it in the SL trash folder and empty it.

That's sad in multiple ways! Jezz, however, is not so heartless. She says she'd either "train that-thar young'un to fite pole-cats fo' munny, o' leave it on the hood o' Pap's Ford--becuz that boy gots himself a soft spot fo' chirren."